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[I move the stars for no one.]

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Hospitals suck! [Apr. 15th, 2007|01:14 pm]
Everything I've done, I've done for you.
[mood |sicksick]

So, Thursday night, I woke up with a horrible stomach ache. This stomach ache was so bad I was like passing out from the pain. I was throwing up and all. I felt like I was dying. Now, this has happened to me before. The time before this, I was in Indiana and had to go to the hospital there. It was much better there though. They actually got me in right away and helped me. So anyway, I couldn't handle it anymore so my mom took me to Jupiter Medical. I waited 5+ hours in the waiting room of the ER, passing out, stumbling to the bathroom to vomit, and to shit blood. It was the worst experience I've ever had to deal with. I still don't feel completely better but, in comparison to how I was feeling, I am much better.

I haven't mentioned anything on here yet because I don't often use LJ but I am pregnant. I'm 8 weeks and 5 days preggo, today, actually. So yeah, I had to go through a bunch of shit at the hospital to make sure the baby was ok. It is okay. I can't wait until I know what sex the baby is. So, yeah, even knowing I was pregnant, the hospital took their fucking time. I hate hospitals. I have to feel like I'm dying before you can get me to go to one. After the baby is born, I'm going to have to go through a bunch of tests to figure out why I get abdominal pain like that every so often. Can't fucking wait!
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(no subject) [Jan. 30th, 2007|08:21 am]
Everything I've done, I've done for you.
[mood |coldcold]
[music |sunny day real estate - "how it feels to be something on"]

I really do not feel like going into work today. I have to be in at 10 am. I'll probably end up working an 11 hr shift too, to make up for Friday. I called out on Friday so that I could have the entire weekend off. Shane, my manager, gave me Saturday and Sunday off since I was going to The Grandest Show on Earth. I went with Matt and Eddie. We all ended up trolling. It was an experience.

Well, I completely forgot that I was updating.

My birthday is coming up soon. I'll be 22 on the 21st of February. Oh joy!

I have to get my ass to work.

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(no subject) [Jan. 20th, 2007|12:49 pm]
Everything I've done, I've done for you.
[mood |nostalgicnostalgic]
[music |team sleep]

It's been a while since I've even gotten the urge to make an entry. I always feel like writing when I get this nostalgic/ depressed feeling. Usually, the feelings are brought on by music. Is it the same for everyone?

It's 12:30 and I have to be at work at 4. Yes, I actually am working. I didn't quit after 3 months, which is what was the usual in the past. I actually like my job. I don't make shit for money but my co-workers are fun. We have fun and joke with eachother at work a lot.

Anyway, back to the reason that I wanted to update in the first place. Through the course of a few years, I managed to turn my life upside down with addiction. Pretty much that entire time, I managed to keep my mind off the things I didn't want to think about. Mainly, the people that I was friends with dying. To make myself block all that out, I sort of told myself that I wasn't an important person to those people and that acting dramatic about it would make me an asshole. Maybe it's the music but right now I feel so horrible. Horrible for not mourning the deaths of my friends. I might have not have been in FL but just because I wasn't at home didn't mean the people here didn't exist. It didn't mean that I didn't exist to those that I left behind. So what I'm trying to say is, I'm sorry and I always did really care. I miss you guys. I miss all those really good friends whose times were cut short with me. I don't just mean those that have died. I also mean those that have moved far away. I've never been good at keeping in touch with people. I wish I would have kept in touch with those that I can never contact again because they're gone forever. I'll try harder to keep in touch with those that are still around somewhere.

So that's it. I finally got it out.
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just messing around, trying some shit out [Sep. 13th, 2006|12:47 pm]
Everything I've done, I've done for you.
[Current Location |bed]
[mood |boredbored]

i can make it work.
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how would you describe me? [Feb. 20th, 2006|06:12 am]
Everything I've done, I've done for you.
click here and tell me what you think.

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(no subject) [Feb. 20th, 2006|05:34 am]
Everything I've done, I've done for you.
[mood |apatheticapathetic]

i turn 21 tomorrow. i'm not all that excited about it. so yeah, uh.. life sucks. one good thing about tomorrow is that i get to go home, even if only for a few days. i doubt i'll have much time to see my friends but i know i'll be trying my hardest to. my grandparents booked a cruise for us, us meaning them, kevin, and i. we leave the 24th from miami. that should be fun. bahamas, here i come. let's hope kevin doesn't ruin it for me....
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(no subject) [Jan. 6th, 2006|03:17 pm]
Everything I've done, I've done for you.
[mood |depressedself loathing]
[music |alexisonfire]

Raped by my childhood?
What the hell do I know about rape anyway?
Well, I guess it's fun to pretend.
Just a thought that occured when I wasn't quite awake enough
To dismiss it.

It's easy.
(You always used to stay within arms reach.)
To cheapen an event.
(Now it seems I'm all by myself)
By pretending it happened.
Only by pretending it happened.
(Save my life.)

(My life was ended tonight.)
My life.
(My life was ended tonight.)
My life.

Boring cliched self-destruction.
I think I should start doing aerobics.
And the rest...

Boxes of cats,
People with Taz tattoos,
Explosive personalities,
Protractor from your new geometry set,
Inability to do math,

Of polar bears.
(My life)
Of polar bears.

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Nathan.. [Nov. 26th, 2005|01:39 am]
Everything I've done, I've done for you.
[mood |hopefulhopeful]
[music |braid - lucky to be alive - 16 - the chandelier swing]

So I never update but I feel the need to now... Thanksgiving went well. My mom and sister came up for the week and we drove down to West Virginia with my uncle and some more of my family. I got to see my brother for the first time in 9 years. I barely know him but seeing him made me miss him so much. I always wanted a brother and even though I knew that I did have one, I could never really appreciate it because he has never been around. He recently turned 25 and in a lot of ways he reminds me of me. Not at all in appearance, just in the way our lives have gone. He pulled my sister and I aside and said he wanted to talk to us and he told us that he was really sorry that he could never be around. He said he's not really good at the family thing but he wishes he could be. I told him that all he has to do is just do it. No one has the ability to change things for him, it's up to him. He was talking to me about where I live and such. He told me that he was going to try to move here. I think it might be weird at first, getting to know him better and all, but God, I'd love to actually know him. When he was talking to me about how things have gone on and are going in his life, I just wanted to fix everything for him. I really don't want to go another 9 years without even seeing him. The thought is just frustrating. I wonder if he truthfully cares. I hope he feels the same way I do.
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(no subject) [Oct. 9th, 2005|08:58 pm]
Everything I've done, I've done for you.
[mood |blahblah]

See the animal in his cage that you built
Are you sure what side you're on?
Better not look him too closely in the eye
Are you sure what side of the glass you are on?
See the safety of the life you have built
Everything where it belongs
Feel the hollowness inside of your heart
And it's all
Right where it belongs

What if everything around you
Isn't quite as it seems?
What if all the world you think you know
Is an elaborate dream?
And if you look at your reflection
Is it all you want it to be?
What if you could look right through the cracks?
Would you find yourself
Find yourself afraid to see?

What if all the world's inside of your head
Just creations of your own?
Your devils and your gods
All the living and the dead
And you're really all alone?
You can live in this illusion
You can choose to believe
You keep looking but you can't find the woods
While you're hiding in the trees

What if everything around you
Isn't quite as it seems?
What if all the world you used to know
Is an elaborate dream?
And if you look at your reflection
Is it all you want it to be?
What if you could look right through the cracks
Would you find yourself
Find yourself afraid to see?
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Summary. ;] [Sep. 24th, 2005|10:25 pm]
Everything I've done, I've done for you.
[mood |boredbored]
[music |death cab for cutie - plans - 08 - crooked teeth]

I've got quite a bit to fill you in on. Kevin and I moved into our own apartment. We live in Lebanon, IN now. It's boring, very boring. Living alone is worth the boredom of the town though. We couldn't have gotten a better deal on the place, either. Now that we have our own place, I have a highspeed connection, yay. I, finally, have my computer back. It actually works this time, surprise.

I took out my labret and horizontal eyebrow piercings. I don't know if I mentioned that before. I miss them but it was time to let them go. I'm planning on getting pierced pretty soon here. I'm thinking the snakebites that I've wanted forever. I really wish I could have Ricky do my piercings. I really trust him to do it right. I may be wrong but the people that I've met so far in IN that have any type of mods seem to be, well, morons. I'm not trusting a moron to tell me where, and who, to go to. Blah.

I stopped biting my nails. I know that doesn't seem like it should be important enough to document, but it's truely a miracle. I have been biting my nails since i've had teeth. I don't mean just bite them off now and then. I mean I used to bite them so far down that they would hurt and bleed. I wouldn't be able to go one day without biting them. I have no idea why it would take until now to finally get over it, been I've done it!

Hmm, oh yes!
I'd just like to say that the new Death Cab For Cutie cd is amazing. I, absolutely, love it.

Ok, so that's it for now.

<3 Vanessa
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